Abusive and Toxic Relationship – How could you Love Me and Hurt Me

Abuse is painful

When a woman falls in love she falls 100% she has no doubts or hesitation about her decision. She natures the love she gives and gives it her all. She doesn’t seek validation for her choice to fall in love with becsuse her choice is so real and so genuine.

It becomes her best place to live in and sharing her space is all up to her choice e.g. She decides to share it with the world or not, because she has found what she has been longing for. In the mean time joy and happiness are her source of life and the reason to smile from ear to ear.

She loves like no other and is comfortable in her own skin and sees nothing wrong with spending more of her time with the person that she loves so dear and adores so much. She even forgets that she had a life of her own before meeting her partner and that there were people that share life with her and also her in return.

New love takes center stage and takes over and before she realizes it days pass by without meeting and even seeing other people besides being cousy in her love corner or on the cloud 9. Reality is that time flies by fast and it takes days, weeks and/or months she has not been in touch with her real world and only realize it time had passed by so fast. Only snuggling and being couzy with one person.

And in no time this person starts changing and starts showing true colors and that they are not the perfect picture that they have been showing or putting up or even painting about themselves.

All of a sudden the lover starts controlling; start putting time for when you should be home and who they should be around with – and how much time they should spend away from them or home.  They have this picture that they control the woman because women become their controlled object now.

Then that behavior is followed by the rude attitude, loosing temper for the woman & always tempement and loud. They loose respect and start shouting and ill treating their woman as if she is a child and not a woman anymore. Verbal abuse usually comes and is unavoidable because now he owns the woman.

He thinks that no one else can help her regain the respect that has lost. Emotional and psychological abuse is rising and everyday a woman is made to feel unworthy and lost and as good for nothing. She is abused daily by her partner.

The problem here is that; the more the woman tolerates his behavior the more countrolling he becomes and uncontrollable and unappreciative he becomes towsrds her. At some point he looses his temper and lays his hands on her. The woman is hurt and devastated because once it starts it never ends and it never stops.

Most of our women and mothers and grandmother’s went through this and now our generation of women should not be faced with such behaviour and no woman deserves to be hit or killed. All the issues that women are faced with e.g. Gender Based Violence; Femiside and Rape; ukuthwala etc are on the rise in our country and we need to stand up and fight against these oppressive and abusive behaviors. 

Charity begins at home and it starts with teaching our young boys how to care and treat the women in their lives.

Government is doing its part and putting policies in place and initiatives, but the abuse happens at homes of the victims and not at the police stations or where police can reach the victims on time. Women face up and experience abuse that they do not deserve and should never go through for the sake of love.

What does the Bible say about verbal abuse?”

The Bible does not use the term “verbal abuse,” but it has much to say about the power of our words. “The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21).

“Sticks and stones can break a bone, but words can never hurt me” is not true. Abusive language has a deep, long lasting effect that can “pierce like swords” (Proverbs 12:18).

God’s desire is that we “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11) and that we “do not let any unwholesome talk come out of [our] mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs” (Ephesians 4:29). God intends that our words and our relationships be healthy and life giving. Keep in mind, God created the universe with His Word (Genesis 1:3, 6, 9, 11, 14, 20, 24) and Jesus Himself is called the Word of God (John 1:1, 14). His desire is that we recognize the power our words carry and use them as He would.

Published by Divine Engagements

I am a fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. I am Worthy, I am Strong, I am who God says I am. I speak the word and what I have been sent to do. I am the vessel willing to be used to its full potential. I stand in support of those who are struggling and can not to find their inner voice or peace; for those who need motivation and I encourage, motivate and remind many women who are oppressed and seeking to find love, peace, joy and strength to rise up and face the world again and to see the beauty of life. I am the voice for women. You strike a woman you strike a rock!!!

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